The Music of the Night

Two and a half more days.....

Tue, 15 Dec 2009 23:38:01 GMT

Note: I'm not gonna be looking too much at my lj too much before Friday. If you want me to see something, poke me. But I really can't guarantee I'll look or reply much until Friday night or the weekend. Ditto anything that is from the past week. Practicum has eaten me alive ten times worse than last time.

Blame school, it's screwing me over. Long story short? Practicum isn't going well. Should be able to scrape by, but... yeah. My AT and I.... our styles just.... don't mesh well or something, and I'm having some problems with classroom management.

Today went better though. I had a supply in the morning, and it was one of the best things that could have happened. So helpful, so nice.

Wish me luck getting through to Friday!!

Thu, 10 Dec 2009 02:08:56 GMT

You tell me not to be sad, because I'm crying.

You say how dare I talk to you like that, when I, putting some emotion in, say that I'm STRESSED.

How dare I?

Do you know what I've been going through recently?

People don't pay attention to me.

I come home every day either to an empty house, or to hardly any conversation within the house.

I'm coming home tired most nights, I'm angry at myself because I can't concentrate on schoolwork when I get home. Yes, I distract myself. I feel like I need time off. And then I feel bad when I get no actual work done.

I'm still not sure what my AT thinks of me on a personal level, but I'm getting the feeling that we're not quite clicking, although we can have a decent working relationship. You woke me up an hour early this morning due to the weather. Many of my students, although they're good, admit they don't like English. I want to make it better for them, but they're not giving a ton of suggestions either.

I hardly get to see my friends due to many different constraints.

Yes, I realize it may seem like overreacting over an unpaid bill, especially when it was an accident and not any fault on our end.

But I'm not used to dealing with people like that. I'm a little scared, yes. And I know I have to do it. You don't have to repeat the information you just told me. Yes, you did add more, but you didn't need to repeat the first part.

And that it's affecting my credit rating? You think that's not going to be stressful, when I'm worried about school and social lives and christmas presents and everything else too?

This isn't the big problem. It's just a straw that's breaking the camel's back.

How dare I talk to you like that?

How dare you think I should be happy as a clam over life when I've got much more weight than usual on my back, and you're too busy being a support system admittedly in somewhere that needs it more than me, but still leaving me without hardly any at a time when they warn at the very beginning that it's going to be a hectic year.

You know, you still haven't taken me shopping for teacher-clothes. Which you said you would back in AUGUST.

I'm holding my tongue right now. I could yell back at you. But it's not worth it. I feel like you'd dismiss my problems. Or just get angry at me for yelling at you.

But don't get angry at me for crying. I cry when I'm stressed. I understand my emotions. GIVE ME A HUG. Reassure me. But don't tell me I'm going about things the wrong way by crying. I can't cry or get angry at school. Rarely in front of my friends. Let me at least have somewhere where I can be free about my emotions, especially when they're not for the most part harmful.

I need it. Why can't you understand that?

I guess you're just too busy.

A call for help

Sun, 06 Dec 2009 14:43:10 GMT

So. My ~~son~~ good friend caitlinneko is going into university next year. (They grow up so fast... *Sob*)

She's trying to get lots of scholarships to help her be able to afford it. Because we all know that university tuition is INSANE. (And if you don't, trust me, IT IS.)

One of the scholarships is an essay contest.

This is where you come in.

The winners are chosen by popular vote. So, she needs people to vote for her, and give her lots of fives, so she can stand even a remote chance of winning.

If you would like to help, click here, and vote for her essay. It's a daily vote, so if you can, come back every day until the contest is over and vote for her again!
And tell all your friends to do so too! The more votes, the better!

Let's help our Caitlin succeed!!!!

On a completely unrelated note....

Happy Birthday Finland~!!!

Sat, 05 Dec 2009 17:27:50 GMT

So. I've been at my second practicum for a week now.
At a high school in Pickering.
Here are some random things so far. (and some random other thoughts that worked their way in...)

Most of the men in the English department are flamboyantly homosexual. The three of them were in the workroom the first time I walked in. It's lovely.

My AT and I... aren't the most compatible people ever, but we get along decently. I wish she was slightly less laid back? But it's all good.

I'm liking the four periods a day thing muchly.

I'm afraid of not using much tech for the second placement in a row, when I'm here at UOIT. >.>

P/C level classes thrive on schedules. And are high on IEPs.

There's a guy in the 4U class who reminds me so much of the Wright brothers. A bit in appearence, a good amount in tone, and vocabulary. And he's a drama kid.

They're doing the WIZARD OF OZ right now. ie: what I did in high school.

There's a girl in the 3U class who reminds me a little of Joanne from the movie version of RENT

There was an AIDS assembly on Tuesday, being run by one of the aforementioned gay men of the English department, who also happens to run the GSA at the school.

Due to these last two points, I HAVE NOT BEEN ABLE TO GET RENT SONGS OUT OF MY HEAD FOR THE PAST WEEK, nor have I been able to get my hands on a copy of the movie to help relieve this urge of mine.

I'm hopefully going to be start helping with Theatre Sports next week.

I wish we had them when I was in highschool. Though at least we had an improv club for two years

There's an anime club, but I don't know when/where. But I want to try to run a cosplay 101 thing at my next placement for sure, since I'll have time to properly set it up, and it'll the month before AN. (I might see if anyone is available to come and help me, should this happen, if anyone's interested)

I might try to be in the library on my next placement, if they'll let me. I don't know if they will.

BANANAS

Just seeing if you're paying attention. ^_~

The bus ride home is a little long, but I don't mind. I'm going through novels like mad, and I'm loving it.

It helps that the main branch of the Whitby library is within a convenient distance of where I change buses. (I take one east, then one north to get home.)

There's also a store that sells loose leaf tea right there.

I wish I could afford to buy myself lots of loose leaf right now... ToT

Fridays are NOT productive

Like, at all.

I still fail at differentiated instruction. I need someone to, like, guide me through how to do that, or give me a really good model. Because unless people specifically tell me, I don't know how to really.... yeah. Except to give choice in assignments.

I FAIL AT NAMES SO BADLY.

Time is going by far too fast. @.@

I'm also failing at doing any work at home. Need to work on that.

I need to start forcing myself to go to bed earlier.

My family is lacking in communication really badly right now on the parents to Claire level, and it's stressing me out.

I need to stop sitting in my grandpa's living room after my parents come back from hospital. I can't stand listening to phone call hour.

I'm very lucky that my best friend lives a few blocks away. Gives a nice place to crash when locked out of the house.

Stress and hormones are a very bad combination.

I'm failing at having a social life. Or getting out of the house in general.

But I'll manage to do my Christmas shopping somehow. Somehow. >.>

I should make a to do list of things I need to do.

I've forgotten stuff twice within my first week. Great impression, C-chan.

It's harder to keep C-chan and Miss Baker separate when in a senior-level classroom.

I mean, the kids are 3-5 years younger than me. I have friends that age!

But I'm not allowed to be friends to these people. So must maintain boarders at least.

Hopefully I'll manage to do that well. ^^

Also harder to really be forceful in classroom management. Need to work on that a bit....

Also on having eyes on the back of my head... it's a learned skill, it really is.

Two more weeks. Time is FLYING!!!

....

Wish me luck? <3

Also: If anyone would like Digimon or Sailor Moon Christmas musics, let me know.
And if anyone has any other series' Christmas musics, please let me know!!!!

Self-worth [or lack thereof] rant

Thu, 26 Nov 2009 22:15:15 GMT

Making a bit of a mental health-post. If you want to read, do. If you don't, I don't blame you.

Don't worry, I'm not insane, that's not what I mean.

In drama yesterday, my prof had us all create a positive affirmation that we could say for ourselves. Something that we needed to hear. I started out with "I am capable". And was doing fine with that. And then... partway through, it switched in my mind to "I am worthwhile". And.... that has been an underlying question in my mind lately, I think. Or in my life in general.

No, I don't think I'm a worthless piece of trash. Don't get me wrong. Please don't get me wrong. I just... have a few issues.

I think I can pinpoint when it started. At least started hardcore. I mean... I've always been introverted. And introverts find it harder to make friends because they live in their heads more than in the outside world. That's where they gain their energy from. And knowing me and my muses, I can guarantee that's the truth.

But there is a time when... I was forced to question my worth. A time when I was thrown in the dirt by my peers, at a time that was already hard, because I was getting used to a new place with a complete set of unknown people.

That was grade 5, when I moved schools, and was.... verbally harassed. I've talked about it before, I will talk about it again if anyone wants to hear more. Long story short: don't ask a prepubescent schoolgirl daily if she's pregnant.

But yeah. I... keep thinking I'm over it. I'm not angry or upset at the people who were involved. I haven't been for years and years. It's been over ten years, it would be stupid to still hold a grudge.

And yet... sometimes I wonder if I really am over it.

It all depends on whether or not that's where it all starts, or not.

I have issues about myself. Not self-confidence, but self-worth.

I notice that people tend to avoid me. Not necessarily on purpose, but.... if I am by myself and the first one to arrive, people will usually not sit near me. I often feel like I'm of little value in situations, not necessarily that I'm not wanted there, but I'm of no worth there.

...I think this is the first time I have found a word that works. It is worth. It's not that people necessarily want me to leave, but simply that I have nothing to add, and people are too busy to notice.

Mind, I don't exactly help matters either.

I tend to exclude myself, if I feel like things would be just as good without me. I have problems joining conversations if I'm not invited to join or wasn't there originally, and even then I can sometimes feel really awkward. I refuse to go to a lot of social events, because I KNOW if I go I will be STARING AT A WALL THE ENTIRE TIME. and it will be awkward and I will be lonely and..... y-yeah.

I don't always sit with others because I feel like I'm not wanted. I don't know if I come off as snobbish or not, but it's all pure discomfort.

I've never had exactly popular interests either, and I know I can be a little obsessive. I'm always worried about coming off as too annoying, because I know I can be. And I don't always know how to relate with things that other people are interested in. Because I... don't follow it, and I know they'll be lost if I start talking about my things.

I... don't know why cons are different, except of course for that last part. Cons... I feel much more at home. I feel more at home with friends who go to cons with me or I met at cons... or through fandom in general, most of the time. Maybe it's because of the automatic connection -- we have a hobby in common, and we're probably passionate about it.

But even in general, I feel more comfortable among geeks than most other people. I don't know.

Still, I have issues.

I still will have moments with excluding myself, because I feel self-conscious about joining when not invited, and about leading things too much of the time. I'm just socially awkward.

...and at lately, I've been feeling it.

Over the past two days, I've had two different instances that made me feel left out. Neither was completely intentional -- no one meant for me to be excluded so much as it was a biproduct of the activities. But it still hurt me, to feel left out like that.

I think I've been a little hypersensitive to this lately, and it needs to stop.

I feel like I need constant reassurance that yes, I am worthwhile. Not in direct "yes Claire, we want you around", but in subtle ways like hugs and inclusion and stuff.

At the same time, I feel like I should be more.... I shouldn't need it as much as I do. It's not like I want to be popular or anything. (And wow, I feel like a highschool student writing that.)
And I think that's a lot of the reason why I want an SO too. So I have someone that, ideally, their job would be to do this most of the time, as mine would be to them. Mind, the same can be said of friends as well. And I wish everyone's lives were less busy right now so I could hang out with people -- I actually have a pretty free weekend coming up, but due to everyone else having things on their plates, I know nothing's happening and that's ok because the same has been happening in reverse forever -- but life... can be busy sometimes, and that's where everyone is right now.

And it feels awkward for me to say that I need constant reassurance at all, but I think it's literally the closest I can come to giving what I need a name. And it makes me feel far too needy and obnoxious.

.............

This is what I get for being self-conscious.

And, you know, in a way, I can be glad that everything that happened to me did happen.
I can relate to my students, if this is happening to them, in a way that those who have never been hurt cannot. I can relate to my friends who have been through harassment and bullying, at least in some way, because I have been there too. And I have a feeling I don't know all of the friends I have that have been through such things, as sad as it sounds to say that.

I can recognize some of the signs because I've been through them. I can listen and understand. In so many other situations, I can't. So it's nice that I... really can relate to some problems, and be there and understand and give advice. And know that it won't just go away -- that emotions take a lot longer to heal than physical wounds.

Really,I don't know if that is what caused it or not. Or if it's the cause of another couple of issues I've grown up with. Or if really, it's just a scapegoat and I actually got through it fine.

This could just be my inherent introvertedness. I don't know, and it doesn't matter, because it's all part of me now, the good and the bad.

I just need to work on it. Except I usually fail at working on it.

I just need to make myself believe that I am wanted and worthwhile, rather than taking the general assumption that people may find me annoying or not want me around, or don't care about me. Because the more I think like that, the more it will be true.

Wed, 25 Nov 2009 23:31:59 GMT

Filling out JET application so I can mail it off tomorrow.

Anyone want to suggest a place in Japan I should go for?

C-chan shows her MBTI geekiness again

Wed, 25 Nov 2009 03:18:17 GMT

MBTI came up today, through Hetalia.

So now I'm curious what people's MBTIs are.

I finally got an official test done, and I'm INFP/INFJ (tied between the two).

And I know a lot of you are probably staring at the screen blankly going "what the heck is C-chan talking about?"

Well, it's a personality-sorter. There's 16 different possibilities (four sets of two), but no real right or wrong answer, or anything better than the other.

Introverted vs Extraverted
iNtuitive vs Sensing
Feeling vs Thinking
Perceiving vs Judging

And somehow I've been facinated with this test since highschool. Yes, really.

If anyone's curious in taking it, there's links to online tests here.

There's informations on the different types here

And the official site is here.

Mon, 23 Nov 2009 20:29:58 GMT

So, for the first time in over a year, I've update my creative stuff journal.

Yes, for those of you who don't know, I do have a creative stuff journal. Wouldn't be surprised if you didn't, it's been over a year, like I said. XD

Anyway, yeah. Gundam Wing drabble (this is what happens when I'm peer pressure'd into watching a series and muse. XD) and something on me and writing. Old stuff, if anyone's curious, there's FMA and Ouran and Digimon. I have some YGO stuff around the net, possibly a few other fandoms as well, but they're not here atm. But... yeah. ^^;;;;

Meme stolen from people while I should be doing homework or sleeping

Mon, 23 Nov 2009 04:30:09 GMT

You know how sometimes people on your friendslist post about stuff going on in their life, and all of a sudden you think "Wait a minute? Since when were they working THERE? Since when were they dating HIM/HER? Since when???" And then you wonder how you could have missed all that seemingly pretty standard information, but somehow you feel too ashamed to ask for clarification because it seems like info you should already know? It happens to all of us sometimes.

Please copy the topics below, erase my answers and put yours in their place, and then post it in your journal! Please elaborate on the questions that would benefit from elaboration. One-Word-Answers seldom help anyone out.

♥ FIRST NAME
Claire. In Japanese, クレア. Means bright, clear. Not named after anyone, and is misspelled by almost everyone not in my immediate family. With some exceptions. *huggles the exceptions*

Cla(i)r(e) is both a male and female name, and so I use that to my advantage when playing Munchkin, and I have to have a male name. Clair is my male name. Clare will be my name if I ever get stuck genderless. XD

My middle name's where I'm named after people... it's a family name passed back through generations. Not in a straight line though, it's the name of an aunt and a great aunt, and I dunno before that. XD So my sister needs to give someone that name. XD

♥ AGE
As of November 22, 2009 at 11:19pm, I am 21 years, 7 months and 11 days, 2 hours and 47 minutes old.

Yes, I know my exact time.

People usually don't get my age right, often I'm expected to be younger. In school, I'm sometimes expected to be older because I'm ahead a year.
...I get my age mixed up sometimes, that's fun. And relative ages are hard for me sometimes, because I see people in grades lower than me as younger than me. Plus, with me in school and some of my friends out living by themselves and working, I see them kind of as older than me even if they're not. :S

♥ LOCATION
Brooklin, Ontario, Canada. The Famous Jett Jackson was filmed here. So it's also Wilstead, North Carolina. XP

♥ OCCUPATION
Student. Learning how to be a teacher. Would love to be a voice actor. Or a stage actor. But not a film actor. Or open a tea house. Or somehow be a professional cosplayer, but good luck that ever happening. Especially when I know people who are better at me in the latter in every way. Which is not to say that I'm horrid. Because I'm not. But I'd probably rank as ok, and these pepole are AWESOME.

♥ PARTNER?
None. I fail at romance. Either I don't like them or they don't like me. Or both. Or something else gets in the way. Certain other factors don't help me either. I could create a list, but I think that would just serve to depress me more. (Lack of SO has been bothering me lately. >.< )

♥ KIDS?
I want one eventually. I want to have baby. I want to be pregnant. and have a child who will run to me and cling to my leg, rather than run away to someone else.
Maybe more than one.... but at least the one. But I want a spouse and solid source of income first, you know?

♥ BROTHERS/SISTERS
One littler sister. Who is half a foot taller than me. She's currently in school in the states. She has what I like to call the powerhouse build. Tall, big-boned, not thin. (not fat, but not thin.)
She's two years minus three weeks my junior.

♥ PETS
None. My mom's allergic to just about everything.
I'm of two minds as to whether I want pets when I move out. I would love to have them, but I'm so scared of them dying. Nevermind that any humans I may live with will also die eventually. OTL

♥ LIST THE 3/5 BIGGEST THINGS GOING ON IN YOUR LIFE
School.
Japan.
Social life.
Anime?
Chirstmas~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

♥ PARENTS
Mom and Dad. Still together after 28 years, and no sign of that changing any time soon. I live with both. They're probably directly above me right now, in bed. Or dad may be watching TV.
They're both teachers. Probably why I was originally drawn to the career. Actually, I would love to follow my mom's footsteps and become a teacher-librarian. Like them, I can totally see myself being a teacher but not in a traditional classroom.

♥ WHO ARE SOME OF YOUR CLOSEST FRIENDS?
I don't want to skip anyone and hurt feelings. So I just want to say that I love you.

Mon, 23 Nov 2009 01:39:50 GMT

Debating an icon change again. Issue is going between.... tradition and.... wanting characters that I relate to a bit more.

ie: probably Honey. Or Finland. Leaning towards Honey at the exact moment.

Something tells me I'll not do it anyway. I feel like the Yuugi icons are my trademark, even if I'm not very big in the fandom anymore.

A question

Sun, 22 Nov 2009 03:22:38 GMT

What is the first thing you think of when you think of me?

I'm curious.
I have my guesses, but I don't care if I'm wrong at not.
...even if it's not good things. ^^;

Christmas Cards?

Thu, 19 Nov 2009 19:13:57 GMT

Would anyone like a Christmas card from a C-chan?

If so, please leave your address here.

(Those of you who asked for a letter back in the summer? I... fail? But I will send you letters. Still, if you want a Christmas card too, give me your address again.)

Comments are screened, so privacy will be maintained as much as possible. <3

Mon, 09 Nov 2009 01:34:02 GMT

DRAWME!

Dunno why I did this, historically no one ever does these things when I post....

Meh. It's there anyway. In case anyone wants to.

The air is tense. I can't breathe.

Sun, 08 Nov 2009 23:20:41 GMT

So.

I should be working on homework right now. I really really really should.

Forget hell week, November is pretty much gonna be hell month. I've been back for one week, I have so much due next week and the week after, it's rediculous. And then there's one more week, more things, and then... Then I'm in placement for three weeks.

I really miss last year. I had... time. Between classes, throughout most of December.....

I have the same two weeks I had when I was in highschool or elementary school this year. Which I suppose makes sense, it's what I'll have when I'm... actually a teacher.

But yeah.

I want a break now. I want a week. And I'd probably totally waste that, I don't want to admit it, but it's true. I just want to run away for a week and have fun and not have to worry about homework or anything.

But instead I have to wait another 40 days. (My last day before Christmas break is exactly 40 days from now. heh.)

I need to get out of this and get through it. And I know I can... it just..........
I want time. I want to have FUN.
I don't get to do enough of that, especially face-to-face, lately.

I've also been complaining about the lack of SO again lately.
...and then a guy hit on me on a bus, apparently me saying I don't like the taste of alcohol is one of the smartest things he's ever heard...... it was a little awkward.

...of course, I do have interests, but I'd rather not even go there. Because I'm pretty sure it's all unrequited and... I'm ok with that.
Crazy C-chan.....

Dotcon's next weekend. Hopefully going on the Saturday. Hopefully heading up early-ish, because I dunno if there will be Hetalia cosplay registration past noon, and Saturday reg opens at 10.
Hopefully won't be going alone, either. I don't want to be alone for that entire trip.....
And I'm probably transiting it, because two_powers probably isn't going to be going. So I REALLY don't want to be alone that long.

Next weekend is also more than one birthday. Which should be interesting.

And the Santa Claus Parade.

And a ton of assignments to get though. Argh.

Not giving up dotcon. I need a con. I need a day like that. I really do. I really really do.

Also: My grandfather's in the hospital.
He's got backpain and can't walk. They're thinking it's a pinched word... but I've also heard things about stress fractures (cracks) and a few other things, I think. But he's been there since yesterday. And he's not getting out today, that's for sure.

...

I don't need this. I really don't.

The only upside is that I have today to work on things, which I wasn't supposed to have. Mind, I'm still not being able to concentrate well enough.

I also need to go to bed at more decent times. I really, really need to. And I know it.

...also, getting ready to apply for JET for next year.
Mom's wondering how I'm going to afford it.
I'm wondering how I'm going to afford it, and how I'll manage to survive socially... (I'm scared about how it will effect me on both sides of the pacific, how sad is that?)

Need to be happier. Argh. Argharghargh.

In unrelated news? There was a murder in New Gen. I didn't recognize it from the outside, but then I saw the inside and was like "it's that New Gen. Wow." And..................... yeah.

.......

I need hugs and/or fun times and/or someone to come and help me with my homework or something. *breathes*

PS: I really wish that I had more money/time/confidence to put into my cosplay....

Meme from human_nosferatu

Wed, 04 Nov 2009 21:17:35 GMT

STEP ONE: spell your name with song titles
(and now I do it fivetimes because I can!)

NORMAL VERSON
Crazy for you (Madonna)
Lay All Your Love On Me (ABBA)
All I Wanna Do (Sheryl Crow)
I Love You (Sarah McLachlan)
Reach Out (I'll Be There) (the Four Tops)
Eric the Half-a-Bee (Monty Python)

NAME VERSION
Claire (Rheostatics)
Lola (The Kinks)
Alice The Camel (sometimes also Sally.)
Iris (Goo Goo Dolls)
Roxie (Chicago)
[Come on]Eileen (Dexys Midnight Runners)

OTAKU VERSION [anime, J-pop]
Chichin no Pui (Sakura Taisen)
Lucky Cha Cha (Mini Moni)
Ame no hi wa NO THANK YOU (FMA)
In the Land of Twilight, Under the Moon (.hack//SIGN)
Raspberry Heaven (Azumanga Daioh)
Einsamkeit (Axis Powers Hetalia)

MUSICAL THEATRE VERSION
Come With Me (Spamalot)
Little People (Les Miserables)
Angel of Music (Phantom of the Opera)
I am the Very Model of a Modern Major General (Pirates of Penzance)
Rum Tum Tugger (CATS)
Easy Street (Annie)

CHRISTMAS VERSION
Carol of the Bells
Little Saint Nick
All is Well
I Want a Hippopotamus for Christmas
Rise Up, Shepherd, and Follow
Every Year, Every Christmas

STEP TWO:
– Name: Claire
– Birth date: April 11, 1988
– Nickname: C-chan, Claire-chan, Honey, Box, that girl over there, hey you, etc
– Eye Color: Blue
– Hair Color: Dirty Blonde
– Zodiac Sign: Aries

STEP THREE:
– The shoes you wore today: My black goodish shoes
– Your weakness(es): Cute things, poking my muses, pasta(aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa), puns
– Your fear(s): loneliness, death, letting people down, being unwanted/unlikable
– Your perfect pizza: lots of veg, no pineapples, possibly some meat, but not a lot.
– Goal you’d like to achieve: Going to Japan for a year

STEP FOUR:
– Your best physical feature?: You know? I have no clue. Unless voice counts.
– Your bedtime?: Usually sometime between 11 and midnight, but it totally depends on the day, what time I need to be up, how tired I am, etc etc etc
– Most missed memory?: Sauble Beach, and the trailer

STEP FIVE: this or that
– Pepsi or Coke?: Neither! Eeewww... carbonation
– McDonald’s or Burger King: BK
– Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea: eh, I'm fine with either
– Chocolate or Vanilla: Vanilla
– Cappuccino or coffee: Both are too strong

STEP SIX: do you
– Curse: Nope
– Sing: ...you have to ask?
– Dance: ...kind of...?
– Take a shower everyday: No
– Have a crush: *blushnodnod*
– Do you think you’ve been in love?: I... don't know
– Want to go to college: Why want, when you can BE there.
– Like(d) high school: Not really? I don't like school in general.
– Want to get married: Eventually.
– Get motion sickness: Rarely if ever.
– Think you’re attractive: ...not... unattractive? But not jawdroppingly sexy or anything either. XD So.... meh.
– Think you’re a health freak: Not really. I just don't like to see people being overly UNhealthy.
– Get along with your parents: Usually. We have our moments, but they're usually just that -- moments.

STEP SEVEN: in the past month
– Gone to the mall: Yes.
– Eaten an entire box of Oreos: Nope.
– Eaten Sushi: Almost.
– Been on stage: Technically. (teaching on a school stage because our classroom was under construction, not performing.)
– Gone skating: Nope.
– Made homemade cookies: nope. Made other things though.
– Gone skinny dipping: Nope.
– Stolen anything: Nope.

STEP EIGHT: ever
– Played a game that required removal of clothing: Yes.
– If so, was it mixed company: Yes.
- Flashed anyone: No.
– Been beaten up: Not physically.
– Shoplifted: Not intentionally at least. >.>

STEP NINE:
– Age you hope to be married: ...Honestly? I'd like it in the next decade. But at the same time, I'm in no real rush? When the timing is right, it's right. I'd probably be more disappointed about other things than... not being married, precisely if it doesn't happen by any given age.
– Number of Children: ...at least one? Ask me again when I've discussed it with my SO. But at least one.
– Describe your Dream Wedding: Small, traditional, lots of flowers -- white/pale blossoms, maybe red roses. In a church or an orchard. Or maybe a forest. I have a dress I love, but I don't know if it would even look good on me. XD
A nice, simple meal after. Catered and professional, no seafood. I don't know what I think of the dancing, there will have to be some, but I'm not much of a dancer. Maybe stealing a few things from various traditions since... my culture has few.

STEP TEN: in a boyfriend/girlfriend
– Best eye color?: Dunno. XD
– Best hair color?: Also dunno.
– Short hair or long hair?: Depends. Leaning towards short? But it has to look good on the individual.
– Height: ...admittedly, there's something nice about being the shorter one, and leaning against someone's chest. But I could deal with being the same height or taller, too, I think.

STEP ELEVEN:
– Number of people I could trust with my life: I have no clue.
– Number of CDs that I own: surprisingly few for a music geek (also no MP3 player unless my laptop counts. XD)
– Number of tattoos: 0
– Number of piercings: 0

PERSONAL QUIZ:
Who were you with yesterday?: I/S section 1, my parents, my grandfather, a few random people from my university that I had to deal with to replace my student card
What woke you up this morning?: either my alarm clock or my parents getting ready. I'm not sure.
Is tomorrow going to be a good day?: Hopefully. It's my Friday.
Do you like anybody?: *nodnod*

THE PAST:
Ever thrown up in public?: In Walmart.
What’s on your mind RIGHT NOW?: School, muses, AIM is blinking.

THE FUTURE:
What kind of home would you like?: Something cozy. Not too much maintenance. It depends on many features, really.
What do you want to be when you grow up?: Myself.
Where do you see yourself in 5 years?: In Canada.

IN GENERAL:
Do you like candy necklaces?: Meh, not really.
When was the last time you fell over or ran into something?: XD all the time. So... probably this morning.
Do you still go trick or treating?: No, but I dress up and have a jolly good time.

What was the last thing you ate?: Chilli. It's lunchtime.
What's your favorite type of soda?: None. eeeew carbonation
Have you ever moved?: Twice.
Have you ever won an award?: Yes.
Are you listening to music right now?: No
How long ’till your birthday?: 5 months, 7 days.
When were you the saddest in your whole life?: I don't know.
What time is it?: 1:43pm
Do you use ebay to buy or sell?: Neither.
Who makes you mad: People who use slurs as derrogitory language. ("That's so gay!!" LITERALLY translates to "that is so happy". Please stop using it otherwise. OTL)
Ever heard a song written about you: Nope.
Something you want to happen in 2010?: Canada bring home the most gold medals in the olympics. Go to Japan.
Honestly, do you miss 2008?: Yes.

HONESTY SECTION:
01. Honestly, what color is your underwear?: Black.
02. Honestly, what's on your mind?: School, the lunch I just ate, fandom, AIM still blinking....
03. Honestly, what are you doing right now?: Just finished lunch. Waiting for next class to start.
04. Honestly, have you done something bad today?: Kinda.... *feels guilty*
05. Honestly, who is the last person you talked to on the phone?: ....Mori, I think?
06. Honestly, are you jealous of someone right now?: I guess
07. Honestly, what makes you mad most of the time?: Too many little things piling up
08. Honestly, do you bite your nails?: Not really.
09. Honestly, have you had an eating disorder?: No
10. Honestly, do you want to see someone this very moment?: *nodnod*
11. Honestly, are you keeping a big secret now?: ....not so much yes as.... if it doesn't come up, I'm not talking about it.
12. Honestly, do you have a friend you don’t actually like?: Not really... but some might consider me friends? IDK (not that I hate anyone.)
13. Honestly, what was the last text message you received?: "Love"
14. Honestly, are you in denial?: Probably.
15. Honestly, do you get up in the middle of the night?: Sometimes, not recently, thank goodness.
16. Honestly, do you like anyone?: *nodnod*
17. Honestly, does anyone like you?: Platonically, sure. Romantically.... maybe? I-I mean, there's the guy from the bus two days ago. But.... in general? I.... dunno if anyone who actually KNOWS me........... I don't know. OTL

RAGE SECTION:
01. What do you do when you’re mad?: Either bottle it up, or rant.
02. What’s the worst thing you’ve done when you were mad?: blow up at someone, usually my parents. Almost all verbal.
03. Ever made anyone cry when you were mad?: ...do I count?
04. Do you swear when you’re mad?: No.

CRYING SECTION:
01. When was the last time you actually cried?: ...I have moments semi-regularly. OTL
02. Ever cried yourself to sleep?: No
03. Do certain songs make you cry?: No, but a few have come close.
04. What usually makes you cry?: frustration

HAPPY SECTION:
01. Are you usually a happy person?: Publicly at least. ^_~
02. What makes you the happiest?: Being with my friends doing something fun, preferably with cuddling.
03. What song makes you always happy?: ...certain songs. some of which I like, some of which poke certain muses.
04. Do you believe in yourself?: Often.
05. When people say they think you are good looking/pretty, do you get happy?: Depends on when/where/why. Usually it makes me more self-conscious.

Multiple Intelligences of my Friends

Tue, 03 Nov 2009 21:21:45 GMT

1) Take this test. (It will only take, maybe 5 minutes.)

2) Post your results code in the comments of this entry. (mine is bz2nn6fz60774ss)

3) I will compile them into a class portfolio. Tou can do the same if you wish.

A lovely house, and C-chan-fail

Tue, 03 Nov 2009 12:40:25 GMT

So. I was at my uncle's girlfriend's house on Sunday.

It was my first time there and........... I'm still trying to decide if it should be Matthew's or Tino's house. It definitely hit me as being correct for one of them. The interior decorating would be different if it were Tino's though, due to Berwald and IKEA. XD

But yeah, beautiful, lots of land, lots of trees, a river..... beautiful.

She's Polish, by the way. And sang a birthday song to my nana in Polish. .......................... I can see Poland singing it to Liet so easily.... XD

Lately I've been going through a fair amount of fail.

Managed to lose my student card and $5, misplace a puffin, and fail once again to get Sumomo done, so Kotoko ended up being debuted without her.

This morning, I'm replacing my student card.
...before that, I should shower. And try to get some of my readings done for this afternoon.

...and then explain to my partner for drama that I'm sorry, but I promise I'll have that stuff done in time, I just failed in getting it done last night due to exhaustion.

Wed, 28 Oct 2009 01:41:19 GMT

So, I owe you a post on yesterdy. And, well, here it is.

So. Yesterday was my evaluation at school. My entire weekend was spent getting ready. The whole weekend.

Okay, maybe not the whole weekend. Friday was not productive at all, and I went out for two hours on Sunday. And read Saturday morning. But still, close enough. Between lesson plans, reflection sheets, organization, marking... I still have marking to do. (and 5 reflection sheets from TODAY!! and lesson plans for Thursday and.... I don't know if I'm supposed to get music ready for Friday or not but if so I'll need to find out numbers first)

So then, Monday morning. Get up early. only 15 minutes early, but that still means 5:45. Which is before probably about half my f-list hits the sack, from what I've seen and heard lately. XD

Thought we were leaving at quarter to, my dad's wondering why we're not all at the door at twenty to. Normally we leave after 7, but in order to get a ride (Which I wanted/needed, my backpack was VERY heavy and my AT suggested I come in earlier than usual), it had to happen. So dad's half-making me feel like I need to rush, mom's telling me to take my time. I'm getting nervous. Big surprise there, I know. Especially since whether I passed or failed my placement rode pretty strongly on this. (My Associate Teacher and Faculty Adviser both have to pass me. And this was the only time that my Faculty Adviser would actually see me teach!)

So, I get to the school at, like, 5 after 7, all said. Usually there at about 10 to 8. So, yeah. Early.

Boil some water to make tea, stress, photocopy some stuff, get a few last things in order, put classroom together...

Worry when my FA isn't there and it's almost 8:30. He shows up right at 8:30 though. O Canada plays, and I start.

Was it my best lesson ever? No. I was nervous, and it showed. It's just like performing for marks. It's hardly ever as good as your last few performances, because you have an audience that's not the one with you every day for the first time ever. And that's just the way things are.
Was it bad? Also no. Like those performances, it's NOT the best. But it's certainly still good. Just not... as good. Y'know?

I still know that I got a number of fours and threes. I'm sure I got some twos, and.... I think no ones. Ones mean you fail. And there seems to be agreement that my areas of weakness.... aren't ginormous and are recognized as areas where I'm growing. Or areas where I will work on in the future or whatnot.

A-anyway.

So, that was over. And day was pretty smooth from there. Taught music for the first time. Wasn't awesome at it, but wasn't horrible. My conducting skills need work. But again, it was my first time. (Quack, quack, quack.)

After school? A good 40 minutes of photocopying and hole punching. Yes, really. Yes, REALLY. Then, I get a call from two_powers asking if she should pick me up somewhere. Because she's just picking up destinywinguard then. So.... I'm still hole punching things. I say for him to call when they're nearish to my school, and I'll go from there. Finish my punching, manage to catch my right middle finger (ouch).... was done right about the time he calls. So I grab the rest of my things and pack up while directing him to direct her to the school.

Went to two_powers's house. Was working on destinywinguard's costume. I... didn't actually do that much to help, but was there as an extra set of hands if needed. Actually spent most of the time working on reflections for yesterday's classes. Fin(n)ished my last one not long before we left, actually. Within half an hour at least. Then went home.

I had a bath, that was nice and relaxing, which was good because I was getting tired. Kinda like I am now, actually. XP

And then I managed to do a stupid thing.
To summarize? I have triggers that send me ranting. I have other triggers that send my muses going. I have other that affect me emotionally. One of my ranting ones was pushed in a post on lj, so I posted. But.... it really wasn't an appropriate time/place. And I kind of want to delete it, but I was told not to. So I didn't. But I feel bad, because I do recognize that it wasn't... OTL I'm sorry.... I need to work on not jumping on those as often. (I totally want to sing the pokemon theme in Japanese whenever it's brought up at school. But most of the time... THAT'S not quite.... heh......)

Between today and yesterday, I managed to read a book about... a boy [born by artificial insemination] and his two moms. Birth mother = mom, other mom = Jo.
The book was great.
Unfortunately, it really hit chords with my Finland-muse. Particularly the female side. She's, like, trying to figure out which one Su-san is and which one she is... neither fit either perfectly. And who the other woman would be and who Sea would choose between the two of them (Su-san, she's certain). And... it just goes on and on, and she feels really self-conscious and nervous, though she really shouldn't.
I'm wondering if it also is hitting me a bit with what happened to my aunt a few years ago. But it's not the same. Actually. It is for her. But they didn't have any children. I don't know what happened to the pets at all.

And I also noticed... I don't think I can think of anyone who I talk and listen to in equal amounts. At least, about ourselves. I feel like I either know a lot more about them, or they know a lot more about me.
...I don't know if that's a good thing, or a bad thing. Maybe it's a sign that everyone should feel more comfortable confiding in everyone. I don't know.
In some ways, it's discomforting. Makes me feel guilty that I'm complaining too much, Or not talking enough. Or something.
Speaking of which, there's one or two people I wish I could talk to right now....

The piano just got tuned. I'm... glad. It's been pretty unbearable for the past.... year almost. Y-yeah, I know. So I should really start playing more often.

Part of me is going "when?". The other half is telling me that I goof off FAR too much.

Speaking of which, I should be doing marking right now. OTL

3 more days. I'll miss those kids when I leave.

I need to make Hermione's cloak in there too. Yeah, I'm scared of running out of time.

Back to work I go, wish me luck in surviving...?

Tue, 27 Oct 2009 03:54:58 GMT

I want to write a long entry post about today, but I need to sleep.

Hopefully tomorrow....

Sat, 24 Oct 2009 13:50:15 GMT

It's 9:30am right now.

I've been up for an hour and a half, give or take.

I am home alone, have been since I got home last night. Will be until late tomorrow, unless I go out with someone.

This weekend, I have 46 character biographies to mark, give or take one. I have one lesson plan to perfect, and I want to write a ton more if I can. At least the 3-4 I'll need for Tuesday. Need to write a whole bunch of protocol stuff, and do all the reflections that I'm behind on.

And if time allows, work on halloween costumes. XP

Last night was unproductive, I grazed like a hobbit and had another moment and complained over lack of love life (again), and wished that I could find someone to interact with one or two of my muses.

Got intensely tired sometime between 10 and midnight, but still managed to keep going until 12:30 because I'm crazy like that.

I had a dream last night about going to the library and finding the Complete Winnie the Pooh in three volumes (only the overall outsides having proper covers) in a red binding for... they said $5-10 and I gave them $5 (geez, even in my dreams, I'm cheap OTL). I saw the first volume and the second volume was underneath, I didn't see the third until the librarian pointed it out, since it was on another shelf on the discareded booksale pile. And then I was working there, but apparently I failed at knowing their hours -- they closed at 2pm on Saturdays due to something happening in the afternoon, and I was wondering why I was alone and the lights were off. XD And somehow my recent fail at getting together for a day with human_nosferatu managed to come into my dream, but... I think we managed it somehow. ...and there was lots of talking on cel phones and think/pair/sharing with a bunch of people, IIRC. *shrugs*

At least it's not another directly school-related dream. XD

This morning has been good so far.

I fin(n)ished reading Banana Boys. I have to say, the epilogue... was probably the weakest part of the book, but overall I loved it. And was sad to see everyone going in such separate directions at the end. Even though... that's life, I guess.

And then? Almost right after? shutupred called me. From England. Just for a minute (my cel said it was a minute exactly). And said hi and everyone at the London Expo Hetalia meet yelled something that I couldn't quite make out but the thought was there and *__________* for me. And... and... and.... I was almost in tears it was so lovely and <3333.

*gets shutupred more monthly bandwidth. and a mic. and forces her to skype*

And now? Now I think it's time for breakfast. Then a bath.

Knowing me, I'll be mainly eating leftovers, blueberry soup, and pasta this weekend, with some veggies on the side. Let's see if I'm right.

But yeah, it's being a good day so far. Hopefully it holds up, and I can get lots done! Wish me luuuck!!

It feels too much like Friday for a Monday

Tue, 20 Oct 2009 02:28:05 GMT

Being reminded of the fact that I want an S.O. Hating the fact that I constantly fail at talking to people about romance. As if avoiding people and/or the subject will make it better.

I seriously wish I had some romance in my life. But I really do fail at bringing stuff up.

...probably like how I also often feel bad/uncomfortable saying things I think might offend someone. I hate it that I often have no outlet for my feeling, because I'm afraid someone might be upset or something. Or something.

...though apparently I'm more open about it at home. Mom's been upset at me lately because apparently I've been snapping at her.
I feel like I've been left out too much lately, like she's assuming I don't want to do things. Like go to the school I went to kindergarten at and she's been teaching at since before I was born's 50th anniversary. Or go grocery shopping. Or... other stuff. And admittedly, I've been a little short lately between hormones and stress as well. OTL

I don't get enough RP time.

Or sewing time -- I still haven't started my hallowe'en stuff and I'm paranoid that I won't have time. I feel like I'm failing. OTL

Today was... half-good, half-bad. Literally. Overall I found it positive. But if I was provoked the wrong way, I could start harping on all the bad really easily. So I'll try to stick with the positive for the... benifit of my mental health. Yes.

I felt like ick yesterday. Which I'm both glad for, because it was a day I didn't need to do much, and sad about, because I could have gotten so much done.....

Ah well, such is life, right?

How I spent the last day before the long weekend (aka c-chan goes OTL)

Sat, 10 Oct 2009 03:27:57 GMT

So. Um. Today's not going too well.

Though I'm not actually upset. Just... tense.

Why?

WELL.

Morning. 6 hours of sleep after being 4 minutes late on electronic submission for an assignment, and praying that prof is ok, since it's 4 minute and they're usually pretty accommodating.

Get up, get ready, get ride to bus station, mom gives me umbrella, take bus to near school, walk rest of the way. Get to school, room is open, but no AT (Associate Teacher, ie the person whose class I'm in). I assume she's in a practice or something, but have doubts because the schedule says otherwise.

School starts. AT comes to class, there was practice after all. Music all morning, spent a little under a third of the first two classes counting time on the clock while students set up instruments. Next class practices a song, so cacophony with a very loud drum (the fact I was sitting near it didn't help >.<). Recess. NEXT class is a double period, I get called out near the end, along with all the other TCs (Teacher candidates, ie Student teachers). The principal wants us to help look after the kids, since he wants to keep them in for the first half of lunch recess.

So, lunch recess. We have the first twenty minutes -- the lunch part, to eat and such. Then I go to the classroom. We were told the supervisor would be in there with us -- there was me and another TC. With all the intermediates. The supervisor... leaves right away. So it's just the two of us. And the kids are, of course, kinda.... hyper and such. It's lunch recess, that afternoon they're allowed to have gum. And more kids keep on coming in. The other guy, he's pretty comfortable, he's an extrovert, he's going around and talking with different groups. I'm... more wandering, kind of supervising.

At the end of THAT twenty minutes it's pouring. So, um, other twenty minutes also inside. With just the two of us. And more intermediates joining us as they came back from their lunch excursions. About ten minutes before end of recess, a gaggle of girls all want to go to the washroom. I tell them to go one or two at a time. They're all like "I NEED TO GOOOO"!!! I don't know whether it's the other TC saying, or them just going, but some kids are just going in and out anyway....... >.< In short, not a good setup. >.< At all.

And I got like, no introvert time. And my AT comes back at the end of it and said she was avoiding coming to the room BECAUSE she knew all the kids were in there.

So, yeah. I was kind of tense after that.

After that, triple period with the other grade 7 class (ie the one that's not my AT's). For language. They were supposed to be doing silent reading.... but let's do some math, shall we?

Indoor recess
Friday before long weekend
Allowed to have gum when they normally cant
Triple period
+ silent reading
?

I'll give you a hint. Not a lot of on-task-ness. At all. >.>

They actually weren't that noisy. But she wanted them on-task. And there was a lot of whispering and... I love how students don't get that the moment you turn your back on them doesn't mean you won't notice if they start up again. ...and yet I know I did that too. XD and... sometimes still do. -_-

Anyway, yeah. There was an assignment at the end of class, in period 3 of 3. Students had to try and guess definitions to words. AT was pretty fed-up by then, and the kids were... yeah, not exactly behaving by this point. So she kept them in during recess still working until they were done. And that was... most of recess. Which was indoor anyway, so my class came back at that point and... yes.

My class had lab and then one period. And that was pretty good. I got a little introvert time because I needed to convert a file on my laptop for a student, because I could and the school computers couldn't. XD

They did the same activity as the previous class. And, it proved what my AT says about them. The first class is more academic, but less well-behaved. Her class is a little lower academically, but better behaved.

Though apparently both classes got considerably lower than what she's used to seeing classes doing on that scramble. Heh.

Then, end of day. Debriefing, talked about some stuff for next week, including what I'll probably do my first lesson on, and getting seating plans, so I can, um, LEARN NAMES? Yeah. -_-;

Then go home. Have assignment due I need to finish up. Have cake first, then start working. and... other stuff.

Am done at about 8:15, get ready to send it off. Find out the due TIME was 8pm. PANIC. Email it to prof at 8:20. PANIC MORE.

Thankfully, she emailed me back saying that the due time was SUPPOSED to be midnight, she also emails everyone to tell them that. But yeah, that was panicy.

So. That was my today.

Can you see why I'm tense? OTL

And I still have no friggin clue if anything at all is happening this weekend. OTL

I want to do something...... I need to see friends or something. It's been a good two weeks since I've had solid friend time. Like, I had two hours last Sunday, and that was good, but it's not a lot. And didn't really involve too much chilling or whatever. ToT

Need more time. And more awesomeness. And more bunnies.

Wed, 07 Oct 2009 03:41:18 GMT

I hate this....

I want to know what's going on this weekend, but no one knows, and that's driving me insane.
I'm going back to the role of a teacher on Friday, and I don't know if I should be scared or excited.
I'm confused over things, but I can't talk about them with anyone for fear of... various things.
I hate the idea of setting up friends filters, so I don't, but partially as a result of this and partially due to the previous statement and partially due to other stuff... I feel so often like I need to censor myself and bottle things away.
I wish I could vent a few things to someone, but it's late now, and I really should just go to bed.

...I don't have my homework done for tomorrow at all. But I'll manage.

Someone offered to buy me something today, and I literally didn't know how to take it. I think it embarrasses me when people volunteer to offer me things, though the cheap part of my brain says yay and then the responsible side says how do we make it up to them it's not fair to just let them give stuff... and sometimes I feel I'm behind on giving people stuff for this reason, even though I wouldn't feel the same if I were giving them stuff... ie. I wouldn't be expecting much in return, if anything at all.

There's some things I still really need to get over. I don't think it's holding a grudge so much as wounds I keep picking at or something. I... should work on that. Probably. Yeah.

In the meantime, let's try to sleep. Hopefully I'll feel better in the morning. A massage would help. But alas, no one to give me one right this second. ...ah well.

Random thoughts of a C-chan

Wed, 07 Oct 2009 01:41:05 GMT

1) Awkwardness makes for awesomeness in RPs.
2) Awkwardness does not make for awesomeness in reality.
3) I get really frustrated when I don't have an appropriate place to voice my thoughts.
4) #3 happens far too often, in various situations, for various reasons. :S
5) Seeing furniture from my childhood -- some in good condition, some not -- being thrown away... hurts.
6) I need more people to RP with and/or more muses for mine to interact with.
7) #6 nonwithstanding, I don't have time for lj or other long-term-commitment-based RPS, and often end up being an introvert when in one.
7) I need to talk to some people more often.
8) I need to write those letters.
9) I wish people would write me letters.
10) This book is reminding me too much of two people -- and if I'm remembering their comments correctly, they agree.
11) I need more energy.
12) My entire family needs more energy.
13) I'm not spending enough time on homework.
14) There's something amusing with the idea of a Mormon Latin lover. No offense to Mormons.
15) Most of the Mormons I know should be excommunicated.
16) My church wouldn't excommunicate them for the reasons that they should be excommunicated, IIRC. >.>
17) I need more time to be social.
18) I need more TIME.
19) I really should do some cleaning.......
20) I really should get some more sleep.....
21) I might be on staff next year for NAF.
22) All being good, I will be leaving for Japan at the end of July. I don't expect it to be easy, and I know there will be hardships, and yet I will still be disillusioned and I know it. But I want to go still. But I need to apply first. And yes.

Note: Please see 18 in regards to 19 and 20. and 17. and 8. and 13. and 22. and most of the list.

Mon, 05 Oct 2009 04:03:58 GMT

So, at the very least, I got two hours of being in physical presence of other geeks today. Which... was nice. But... it kind of scares me at the same time.

I'm terrified of drifting away from people. Because it seems to happen so easily. And.... I hate being left behind.

I'm applying to go to Japan next year. This was decided ages ago by me, and I want to follow through. But... I found out today that, although we planned to, two_powers may not be coming with me. And... that's hititng me a lot harder than it should. I... really do want her to go with her, but she has sane and sound reasoning for being hesitant. IE: the job market. Which... is also partially why going now is good for me, go figure.

But... I guess.... either way... kind of....

I'm scared of losing touch with everyone. I-I don't know if it will happen or not. But.... I don't know. I feel like it's extremely possible. I-I'm not the type of person people strive to keep in contact with most of the time, for whatever reason. And.... I don't know. I'm scared.

There's other stuff to be scared of too, I know.

The fact that my muses have randomly been depressed all day (well, not really random, I think I know a few good reasons why, some of which I addressed earlier today, some of which I haven't) probably isn't helping matters.

...and I have to wake up for school in six and a half hours... ugh.... ToT

Also: From my drama prof's comments, I'm scared that I'm doing a small assignment incorrectly. And it involves making a lesson plan and... I find it really hard to know what I need in one when I'VE NEVER HAD TO USE ONE.
Sorry. Just... yeah. School = lots of little assigments and some big ones and.... I'm frustrated a bit. And I want time again. But I can't have it this year, apparently. Which I knew going in. But yeah.

On the bright side? I get to show off my baking skills tomorrow.